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Movie Monday: Men In Black 4

Sure, it’s called ‘International’, whatever. It’s still the 4th one.

frank the pug from men in black
No dogs were harmed in the making of this review. Except this one. But he did it to himself. He smoked too much, drank too much, stayed out too late, partied too hard.. you know how these Hollywood types are. I can’t be held responsible. No blood on my hands. Still, I’ll miss the little mutt.

Make no mistake, I’m a fan of the series. The original was, like many Will Smith blockbusters of the late 90s, a force to be reckoned with. The elegance was in the simplicity — Smith at his standard boyishly charming cocky rookie game, Jones as the weathered old wise master, taking on a big bad with the unexpected help of an innocent-victim-turned-almost-femme-fatale. Overseen by Rip Torn at his finest. And Vincent D’whateveryoucallit amped up the ick to 11.

Men in Black Mr Jones and Mr Smith
The original. Accept no substitute.

5 years later, we get a surprisingly decent sequel. Nearly a full cadre of the original actors, and some fresh blood like Rosario Dawson added a healthy ‘oomph’ to the second step in the series. Plus it’s always fun to see Puddy do something ridiculous. Now don’t get me wrong, it was far from perfect, but overall there’s more to like than dislike.

men in black 2 agent J and K in mailman uniform
Spoiler-alert: amnesia (duh)

Another decade, another sequel. The third installment was.. passable. Again, lots of positives. Josh Brolin, Emma Thompson; the touching story of how K first discovered J as a child [spoiler alert!]. A bit more negatives, though — the villain, for one thing. I just couldn’t get past his.. everything. I mean, ‘ick’ is one thing; ‘just plain gross for gross’ sake’ is another. But the “I can see all future possibilities at once and it’s made my brain a little frappuccino-y” dude was really cute, and as I said, the timeline intersection subplot was worthwhile. So would I watch it again? For sure. Would I watch it more than a couple times? Ehhh… maybe, but I wouldn’t be ecstatic about it.

men in black 3 young J with dad's pocket watch
Probably the best scene of the whole film.

Now, we come to 2019. First of all, good luck getting ANY of those people to come back for round 4. I mean, at least one of them is dead. RIP, Rip. (And yes, that was literally on Twitter.) Fair enough; I didn’t really expect to see them anyway. No, this is a departure from the trilogy. This is… well, it’s like a remodeled apartment. The same foundations, the same basic framework, but with a lot of upgrades and a fresh coat of shiny new paint.

For starters, our new headliners — Hemsworth and Thompson (Tessa, not Emma; no relation) — are pretty. But the great thing is, she (particularly) doesn’t need to flaunt it. As the thematic undercurrent alludes to, this is no longer a ‘boys club’. This is the “Men and Women in Black”. A bit unfortunately, she still goes a little schoolgirl ga-ga over him — at first. She doesn’t let it stop her from being a badass, so it all evens out. Props.

men in black 3 chris hemsworth tessa thompson
the beautiful people, the beautiful people…

Now, the villains are immensely superior to anything we’ve yet seen, which is both refreshing and expected. On one hand, we know it’s going to take a lot more to stop them from bringing about our doom; but we kinda had to know that going in, otherwise what’s the point of another sequel? The side-story and featured NPC aliens (that’s RPG-talk for “neutral party characters” i.e. ones that aren’t the main bad-guys but aren’t necessarily at the beckon-call of our heroes either), are pretty decent.

Finally, we have this whole ‘internal intrigue’ / ‘mole in our midst’ plot. To me, it almost seemed like they wanted to make H out to be the mole, but then they wanted us to think it was C, then finally ol’ crusty boss-man. Now, this may seem like responsible mystery storytelling, right? And yes, I get it; you DO want the audience misdirected before you get to the big reveal. Obviously. But that traitor-y vibe, for me, lingered a bit too long on H’s character. I’m not sure if that’s the filmmaker’s fault or mine. Regardless, the storyline definitely does its job in taking us on the journey to a happy ending. It just felt a little too forced.

The thing I’m missing, I think, is the heart — that spirit of wonder and mystery that propelled the first film forward in a way that only truly good sci-fi does. This was more flash than function; more spark than fire. BUT! Still enjoyable. Good times.

And damn if that scene where he picks up the hammer ain’t a perfectly executed self-trolling-cameo.. I mean COME ON! You can’t not love it for at least a few seconds.

Spoiler alert: it’s not quite over…

One thumb up. Have fun out there friends! ‚̧

Disclaimer: None of these images are mine and I never claimed any rights over/about/related to them whatsoever. ūüėČ

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In Less Than An Hour…

We all have our traditions. If you’re American like me, one of them probably involves doing a barbecue, and seeing some fireworks (or launching some of your own, if they’re legal in your county/city), tomorrow on July 4th. My wife and I usually did that too.

I’d like to share with you another tradition, which I think was a little more unique to us, or to her rather. It was also super adorable and always made me giggle.

Many of you know the 1996 sci-fi classic Independence Day. Will Smith, Bill Pullman (underrated actor, btw), Jeff Goldblum, Randy Quaid, Judd Hirsch, and that poor actress that nobody remembers. And Data, being charmingly creepy as usual. It’s a wonderful, highly quotable (“Yes yes, yes, without the ‘oops’!”) summer blockbuster alien-flick with just the right amount of cheese.

For reference, this is entirely too much cheese. For anything. Ever.

Our tradition was that we’d watch this movie together, on or around the 4th. She’d actually been doing this before she met me, regaling her family with quoted lines and re-enactments of key moments.

But the best part, the very most endearing, silly, and charming thing she did, was this: She would recite, word-for-word, that ridiculous fervent patriotic hype-up-the-troops speech which the president gives to his combat pilots just before the climactic aerial battle that defines the film’s final act. And of course we’d all applaud her like we were just as amped as those soldiers about to fly to their collective doom. (Spoiler alert!)

I mean, they don’t ALL die, but if you expected more than a few key characters.. and the token rando.. to walk out alive, you obviously don’t know how these scenarios play out. =P

And so, without further ado, I present to you, that speech. Because it’s awesome. And she was awesome for doing it, for making us laugh, and for brining us together with joy and love.

President Whitmore: Good morning.

[PA doesn’t work; it wasn’t on. He turns it on.]

President Whitmore: Good morning.

In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world; And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind.

“Mankind…” That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can’t be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests.

Perhaps it’s fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom… Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution… but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist.

And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: “We will not go quietly into the night!” We will not vanish without a fight! We’re going to live on! We’re going to survive!

Today, we celebrate, our Independence Day!

Sometimes, you just wanna blow crap up…

If you’ve never seen the movie, do yourself a favor and watch it (on Hulu!). It’s just good old fashioned 90s sci-fi fun. And it actually holds up pretty well for its age.

Now go have an enjoyable, safe holiday weekend! Or, as Harry Connick Jr’s character would say…

Let’s kick the tires and light the fires, big daddy!

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Movie Monday: The Hustle

Hey kids, it’s that time again!

What time is it?

Time for a movie review! Try to contain your excitement.

the hustle movie poster
Promises, promises…

High Expectations

Both of these actresses are fabulous. I mean, neither one is everybody’s cup o’ tea, but they have terrific screen presence and charisma. Just look at Ocean’s 8 or Pitch Perfect. There’s a lot of potential here, given the vast difference in their appearance and demeanor (as characters, specifically, but also in general). Although, let’s face it, Wilson is very much a character-actor and doesn’t have nearly the range that Hathaway does.

The trailers gave us some really good lines about women being underestimated and using that to their advantage, with some hilarious “Rebel blunders” to guffaw at. And while the premise of the master grifter teaching the amateur the art of the con is not new, it does generally make for compelling cinema, when done right. However, when you take that formula too far off the rails, you can end up in cheese-land.

Sub-par Results

The problem here is that we get too deep too fast.

That’s what SHE said!

Right, anyway. What I mean is, there doesn’t seem to be a truly compelling reason for Jo (Hathaway) to take Penny (Wilson) under her wing. We’re just kind of shoehorned into it, like “Yep, that’s the way it is now, keep that train a’rollin’!”. Similarly, the main motivator (turf war, really?) for their ultimate “gentleman’s wager” really doesn’t seem that crucial to the story. Nor does the target, the silicon valley whiz-kid. Again, taking a page from the Ocean’s trilogy, why not just compete for the sake of competition?

And then there’s the whole she-Gollum shtick, which just didn’t work for me. It’s nothing against the actors or the writing… They’re leaning too far into the whole “Rebel Wilson isn’t really attractive” angle. Right? But I get it, that’s the characterization — Jo is sophisticated high-class elegance and Penny is the opposite. I’m completely on-board with that; I merely wanted to see more variety in the cons, not the same few tropes replayed.

Happy Endings

Spoiler alert! No, just kidding. I won’t actually tell you what happened. I will say that it wasn’t that bad. It was a little unnecessary, a little forced, sure. But overall, fairly satisfactory.

The Verdict

Meh. The ~48% audience-score on Rotten Tomatoes feels about right. It’s not a terrible movie! It’s just not that fantastic either. Worth a theater visit or a $4.99 rental? No, definitely not. Worth a spot on your watch-list when it comes to streaming-ville? Sure.

Movie Review: Hellboy (2019)

Featuredhellboy 2019 panoramic movie poster

It’s been 15 years since the original Guillermo Del Toro adaptation of the comic-book anti-hero Hellboy, a demon-prince-turned-good-guy who fights the forces of darkness for us here on Earth because he was raised to be SUCH A GOOD BOY! by his adopted father. And if that premise sounds cheesy to you, these movies are probably not your cup of tea. However, Del Toro is a master of his craft, and can turn just about anything into a decent movie, if not a visually striking and emotionally compelling film proper.

Have you SEEN Mama, Splice, or Crimson Peak? Go watch them. Srsly. Especially Crimson Peak.

So quite obviously, the remake/reboot/whatever-you-want-to-call-it drew heavy comparison and criticism for not “living up to” or “being as good as” its predecessor. Most remakes do. But this review isn’t about that (mostly). I’m also NOT a comic book reader; thus, I have absolutely no basis to relate either movie to their comic counterparts, nor to judge them based on how closely they resemble them. And frankly I don’t care. A movie is a movie, nothing less, nothing more.

Cool? Great, let’s get down to it.

The Good

There are a lot of things to like here in this 2019 reboot. The actors are charismatic and well-cast, and their chemistry is good. The creature design is stunning and otherworldly, in some ways harkening back to the Fae world of Maleficent, albeit with a much darker evil bent. With an R rating, we get a hefty helping of satisfyingly gory action and blood violence — the giant fights are super crunchy — all set against a thumping soundtrack that reminds us not to take it all too seriously. It is, after all, fantasy.

As most reboots do, it attempts to pay tribute to and acknowledge its origins. We get the infamous “horn-breaker” scene, the flashback to Rasputin’s occult-fueled demon-portal-opening (despite the horrible interjection of a completely unnecessary character; more on that in a minute), and even a direct re-quote with “Hey! I’m on your side!”

Then of course we have the inner turmoil of the Hellboy character himself — If he’s a monster himself, why does he fight monsters; does he really belong in this world? SO EMO. The dialogue and sub-story there is fairly satisfactory, if a little overplayed. I mean, he’s gonna have a tantrum at some point — that’s a given — but did it have to be so angsty? But ultimately he does, as we expect, lean on the teachings of his father and make the right choice.

so emo youtuber
Can you FEEL my feels??

The Bad

Unfortunately, there are plenty of things to dislike, too. Pacing and consistency of ambiance being one (or two?). Half the time I felt like I was watching a blood-pumping action flick, another third of the time felt like a grimdark horror-fantasy, and the other.. whatever fraction is left.. of the time, I wasn’t sure how to feel. It wasn’t necessarily jarring, but it was definitely noticeable. My favorite scene, though, by far, was the very end, where our three protagonists just rampage through a baddie hideout to the tune of Kickstart My Heart.

Secondly. Ugh.. CGI. When will Hollywood re-learn that “less is more”? Have we just lost the magic of practical effects and the kind of backbreaking work that went into VFX masterpieces like Lord of the Rings and The Walking Dead? I guess it’s just cheaper these days to throw everything at the supercomputers. And to be fair, it’s usually just fine. But there IS such a thing as over-use. The Star Wars prequels (1-3) did it, probably even before it was a trope; and here, it’s a bit over-the-top. And the problem, when that happens, is that it takes you out of the fantasy that you’re supposed to be engrossed in and enjoying.

A small nit. Plot-holes don’t generally bother me too much. But the amount of blood sweat & tears that went into finding out this key piece of information — that the Blood Queen would return to the exact same spot in which she was slain, to be reborn, was pretty ludicrous. I mean, was that not obvious to anyone, EVER?

well like duh
Ya think?!?

The Ugly

Speaking of ugly, Baba Yaga? Gawd, I needed to shower after her main scenes. Shudder. If they were going for gross, they really nailed it. Anyway.

I have two major problems with this movie. One of them is likely dismissed as “but they were being faithful to the comics” — again, don’t care, but that’s fine if it helps you. The other is such a teeny part of the movie that it’s not a deal-breaker; I just need to point it out because of how god-awful it was before I took a minute to purge it from my brain so I could enjoy the rest of the show.

Firstly, the likely-dismissed problem. Mixing too many mythologies. Good lord, am I watching a King Arthur retcon, a Lewis Carroll (Alice in Wonderland, if you’re completely unaware) spin-off, or freakin’ Hellboy?!? Pick something and stick with it! The sword in the stone is now a key to the demon apocalypse? Really? And don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed the character of Alice, but did we need the explicitly emphasized call-out to the rest of the Carroll-verse? I think I could have lived without it.

Secondly, the teeny part that drove me bonkers for half a minute. In the flashback to Rasputin’s demon-portal-summoning-ritual, the Nazis are ambushed by an Allied hero named “The Lobster”. He’s supposedly this super-elite soldier-hero commando. But… OH. MY. GOD. The cheese on this character.. you could cut it with a damn Pampered Chef knife. “Beware my claws!”?? No. Just no.

Also, the body-count during this little scuffle (same scene) was unsatisfactorily low. Especially at the hands of the legendary evil assassin Karl Kroenen, who, while shown on screen, is not named nor hardly acknowledged; which again, is fine, since it doesn’t fit this narrative, but still! You know, he has blade-arms, wears a menacing black faceless mask, and is really half-machine and runs on some weird combination of pocket-sand and black-magic…

I’m not bitter, I swear!

The Verdict

One thumb up. Despite my criticisms above, it’s still a decent movie — if you go into it without lofty expectations and don’t try to compare it to Del Toro’s work. It’s a fun little supernatural action romp through vaguely familiar territory, mixed with some brand-new characters and blended mythos that feel mostly complete, if a little rushed. Reminds me a bit of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, which had the good fortune of NOT trying to “live up to” any precedent or source material.

Plans for a sequel? The ending scene points to “maybe” — they discover an aqua tank with a nameplate that keen viewers will recognize as a reference to Abe Sapien, the half-man-half-fish character from the original film. However, due the abysmal box-office performance, it’s not likely to materialize. And that’s not a bad thing. =)

New vs. old. They each had their merits. And you can definitely see the maturation of costume-makeup.

What Marvel Movies Do I Need to Watch?

mickey-mouse-infinity-gauntlet-starwars-marvel-fox-pixar

Welcome to the first post of the new year. I’ll be keeping things a little on the lighter side for now. I’m still very into my work and learning lots of share-worthy things in the data world. But for now, movies!

I also want to take a moment to appreciate those who reached out to us after our devastating loss. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. Please continue to remember our family as we struggle to find a sense of normalcy.

So, some of my elder moviegoers asked me the question that many people have been asking over the last year or two: “What Marvel movies do I really need to watch before Infinity War?”, or more recently, “before End Game?”. More generally, which ones are worthwhile viewing to a casual non-geek, to someone who doesn’t need to obsess over every little minutiae, someone who is not by nature a “comic book movie lover”. It’s a completely fair question, and honestly it needs more.. less nerdy answers.

Hence, this post!

Iron Man (2008)

Really, how could you not? RDJ at his finest, and the start of what we now call the MCU. One could argue that it’s actually not entirely critical to “Avengers”, as a whole, especially if you have a general idea of who and what Iron Man is. But come on.

Thor (2011) OR Thor: Dark World (2013)

Opinions vary on which is a solid film and which is a dud. Either one is sufficient to introduce the Asgardians, the handsome dude with the big hammer, and our favorite flip-flopping hero-villain-depending-on-the-day-of-the-week.

Avengers (2012)

Obviously. While it precedes Thor 2, chronology isn’t the most important thing in the early storyline. It’s more about understanding the characters and the way they work together. If you just did Thor 2, you might not understand why Loki is the bad guy at this point; whereas if you just do Thor 1, you’ll miss the part where Loki “turns good” (ish?) as a lead-in to a future story. Not terribly important; just enjoy the big battle with giant alien snake-ships.

Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)

While not critical to the Avengers storyline, per se, it’s an excellent movie, with some key character development that ultimately explains a pivotal point in Starlord’s (Pratt) behavior in the third Avengers film. And the music is fabulous!

Honorable Mention: Captain America: Winter Soldier (2014)

This is also not technically required viewing, but is widely regarded as one of the best films to this point in the timeline. It also sets up some important elements in the larger story arc. However, if, like me, you’re not a giddy schoolgirl superfan of Chris Evans and/or the Cap in general, you can skip this one in favor of Civil War.

Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)

Not the greatest movie from a quality perspective, but quantity, you get. Plus major plot and character development. Paul Bettany is amazing as always, and newcomer Elizabeth Olsen does not disappoint.

Honorable Mention: Doctor Strange (2016)

Again, not critical to the overall arc, but it’s something different. Cumberbatch really made his mark as a cross between the sarcastic cynicism of Tony Stark and the higher moral calling of Steve Rogers.

Captain America: Civil War (2016)

Basically Avengers 2.5, this film gave us so much plot and character push that it’s a sin to ignore. And it’s a truly fantastic movie to boot. Tom Holland’s Spider-Man is a breath of fresh air, and he will definitely make you want to see his first standalone feature, even if it’s not super essential to the Avengers storyline as a whole. As I said before, I’m not a drooling Captain fan, but this is truly a full-fledged ensemble worth watching.

Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

If Civil War was business as usual for the Avengers, Ragnarok is a welcome departure. It nearly flies in the face of the serious and dramatic tones of its predecessors, and I absolutely LOVED it for that. Hemsworth and Hiddleston are back to their charming selves, Ruffalo comes off a Hulk-high and bumbles back into our hearts, and Jeff Goldblum ramps up the ridiculousness. But the star of this show is Cate Blanchette’s villianess, Hela.

you're in my seat

I’m Hela.

Hella what?

Hella fab in this badass latex bodysuit!

The most important thing about Ragnarok is that it directly leads into the beginning of Infinity War. So watch past the credits and get ready for some epicness.

Honorable Mention, prior to Infinity War: Spider-Man Homecoming (2017) and Black Panther (2018)

As I mentioned, Tom Holland managed to breath fresh life into the Spider-Man character, after Sony churned out way too many movies bearing his namesake. Here he’s re-established as a pop-culture-savvy teenager who just wants to do the right thing and finds this HUGE world of good-vs-evil that he may hesitate about but ultimately knows he needs to become a part of. Black Panther really needs no introduction; it was one of the top performing movies of 2018, and for good reason. Not just because it’s one of the first black super hero movies of the decade, and indeed of the Marvel universe, but because it firmly and distinctly fired on all major cylinders of modern comic cinema – action, character, heart, culture, morality, and legacy. Yet, neither of these movies is, I argue,¬†absolutely critical to understanding the larger Avengers plot-line. You get enough of an introduction to both characters in the other movies.

Avengers: Infinity War (2018)

The big daddy of them all. So far, of course.¬†End Game will likely rightfully claim that title once it hits, but for now, this is the climax, the apex of the Avengers arc, and the MCU in general. It’s got¬†everybody. It’s long, at 2.5 hours; it’s epic, full of action, and (semi-spoiler-alert, but honestly if you haven’t at least heard the gist of it by now, you have nobody to blame but yourself) heartbreak. If you’ve enjoyed any of the preceding movies, you will want to see this. And if you plan on seeing the final one, you definitely need to see this one first.

Upcoming: Captain Marvel (2019)

We know that, chronologically, this one takes place in the past. So it’s not absolutely crucial to the Avengers storyline, on its own; but we know that the heroine herself DOES play a crucial role in¬†End Game, so it’s probably worth the time investment. Plus who doesn’t love a strong female superhero flick? We haven’t seen enough of those from the MCU, to date.¬†To be fair, the source material is fairly patriarchal too, but this is 2019, so it stands to reason that a studio of Disney’s size could do anything they damn well please, including giving the leading ladies more of their own features. (Fingers crossed that the Jean Grey and Black Widow spinoffs do well!)

Where does it all end?

Avengers: End Game (2019) is hyped to be the absolute biggest superhero cinematic event of the decade. Some of the characters will continue to have their sequels or even origin stories, while others may meet their permanent end, be it death or just old-fashioned retirement. One thing is certain: if you haven’t at least watched the first three Avengers movies, you are by no means prepared for what’s coming.

Dude, that’s still like.. TEN movies. Ain’t nobody got time for all that!

Fair enough. Let me cut the list in half. If you had a gun to my head (RUDE!) and asked me which films were absolutely 100% guaranteed required viewing, I would tell you this: Avengers 1, Avengers 2, Civil War, Thor Ragnarok, and Infinity War. That’s roughly 10-ish hours of quality cinema, and includes just about every hero and villain that you need to care about going into this year.

So I excluded your favorites, big whoop, wanna fight about it?

Do you disagree? Did I leave out anything terribly important? Do you still think Steve Rogers is a dreamboat and should be idolized by all his fellow heroes for his unwavering moral righteousness? (Spoiler alert: WRONG.) Let me know in the comments!

Briefly, here’s my two-cents about why the rest are unnecessary. Starting with the Iron Man sequels: 2 is messy and doesn’t really move the hero forward, while 3 is a far better character study at the expense of being slightly too CGI-heavy. (Then again, they all are going that direction, so you might as well embrace it.) The Incredible Hulk was ret-conned into the MCU, and it’s not Ruffalo’s Hulk, so it really serves no great purpose other than to fill a slot on a timeline. With the first two¬†Thor‘s, as I said, you could do away with either one and still understand that world in general. Then we have the one-off origin stories in Captain America¬†and Ant Man, which, fine, they’re decent, but quite unnecessary to the bigger picture. And Guardians of the Galaxy 2, while a very good sequel, has nothing earth-shattering (see-what-I-did-there?) to add to the timeline. Finally, like I mentioned before, Panther and Homecoming are truly great movies; in fact the adorable surrogate-father-son relationship that Stark (Iron) and¬†Parker (Spidey) establish in the latter makes one of the final moments in Infinity War exponentially more heartbreaking. But do you absolutely need to have seen them to get up-to-speed for Avengers? Not really.

A final note. About the TV shows. I don’t watch them. Never have. If that’s your game, great, go for it. But the movies know that they can’t rely on the shows to make any significant plot contributions, let alone to be seen by nearly as many, or the same, people. So in my book they’re still all fluff. Maybe that’ll change someday, but I doubt it.

Now, go do your homework and watch some movies! =)

Movie Wednesday #3 (on a Thursday)

It’s that time again kids! Today (which is now yesterday), I saw Peppermint¬†at the local cheap-seats theater. Aside from being surprisingly uncomfortable compared to the plush recliners of the deluxe place, it was a nice bit of nostalgia. There was almost nobody there. Frankly, I’m not sure how they’re still in business; their operating costs must be absolutely minuscule. But hey, works for me, $4 movies! Let’s get to it, shall we?

Revenge is Fun to Watch

sweet sweet revenge raccoon
Revengecoon is on point.

Call me a sucker for a good revenge flick. Even more so when the protagonist is a badass woman. I don’t get into the really graphic “rape-revenge” stuff like I Spit On Your Grave and its ilk, but in general, if you’ve got a leading lady kickin’ ass and taking names to avenge some injustice done to her or her loved ones, I’m game.

And the user reviews agree with me, but the critics decidedly do not. That’s typical. Critics look at lots of deep facets of film-making, but the average audience just wants to be entertained. Are there a few moments when it’s difficult to believe the character, or the lines feel just a tad forced? Sure. Are there some bits where perhaps we stretch reality just a bit? Of course. But it’s a damn fun movie to watch, as Garner takes out one gangster or corrupt-cog-in-the-justice-machine after another.

Jennifer Garner’s Appeal

Speaking of our leading lady… I’ve never seen Alias, so you’ll forgive the lack of comparison. I did see Elektra, which, although a pretty bad movie overall, at least showed that she could convincingly play a tough action hero, even if that particular character was over-sexualized. Obviously that was 13 years ago, but her age plays well as the seasoned, slightly weather-worn mother, who can still whip herself into better shape than the cartel thugs half her age, dispense her vigilante justice, and look good while doing so.

It’s purposeful, and effective, that she does not¬†show skin or become a sex-object at any point. That’s not what this is about, nor should it be. She’s all business, and that business is bloody, brutal, and filled with sharp objects and shotgun shells.

The Bad Guys (and their deaths)

peppermint movie still showing judge trapped
See this? This is explosive rope. It can cut through really big trees and sh*t.

One of the best parts of a revenge flick is seeing the imaginative or poetic-justice-esque ways in which the hero deals death to those that deserve it. (Yes, I’m using those terms “hero” and “deserve” loosely and in the context of the film itself, not engaging in a philosophical debate outside the world of the story.)

While some of these are lackluster, especially for an R rating, there are few that really shine. The judge, a sort of Kevin Spacey lookalike, gets it good with nails-in-the-hands and a courtroom-sized explosion. The three shooters are strung-up by their ankles on a ferris wheel, the process and lead-up to which, I feel, would have been even more interesting to watch than the end result. And there are at least a few fantastic head-shots that you’ll just want to see for yourself.

As I said, given the rating, I do think the film makers could have gone darker with some of the kills, but overall, we get what we came for. It feels very similar to Taken, for obvious reasons (same director), and that’s a good thing.

Trailers Lie

Sadly, and seemingly more often these days, the trailer showed some sequences and dialog that either didn’t make it into the movie, or misrepresented it slightly. The titular ‘Peppermint’ moment isn’t there, at least not with the same impact; and a couple of the more badass-sounding vengeance lines are diluted by too much context or a lack of ‘oomph’ in the background score.

But again, that’s Hollywood. The trailer’s job is to make you desperately want to see the movie, and they often succeed. So we can’t blame them too harshly. The film is gritty, well-made, and compares favorably with others in its genre.

Speaking of trailers, they played one for Glass, a really¬†intriguing upcoming crossover-continuation of Unbreakable and Split, from everybody’s favorite writer-director name to purposefully mispronounce. If you haven’t seen either of those, do yourself a favor. (McAvoy is phenomenal in the latter.)

Conclusion: one solid thumb up

peppermint angel graffiti wall
I brightened this up a bit from the original. I tried to find a better one but no luck so far.

If you enjoy watching a tough female lead, seeing bad-guys get their comeuppance, and following a story through to the end, this movie is for you. Even if you’re not generally a J Garner fan; she really does well with this role, and there are no hints of her typical rom-com personality sneaking in. It’s a good solid ride with a satisfying conclusion — exactly what you want from a popcorn vengeance flick.

Til next time, readers!

Movie Wednesday #2 – The Meg

It won’t always be new movies, I promise.¬† I could go on for pages about such classics as The Gladiator, Independence Day, Jurassic Park, Scream, Pulp Fiction, Face/Off, Lord of the Rings, and more.¬† And I will, eventually.¬† I’m going to try out a hosted WP service with my own domain soon, and then I’ll have more freedom to draw lines in the sand between the tech stuff and the fun stuff.¬† But for now, you’ll have to settle for reviews of new or recent movies that we go enjoy semi-regularly at our local recliner-lined pizza-serving cineplex.

Without further ado…

Things Are What They Are

Let’s make something clear right off the bat.¬† This is a popcorn flick.¬† For those who aren’t up on the movie-goer lingo, that means it’s more or less mindless fun.¬† It’s CGI-infused, big-screen big-sound action, with a few recognizable faces, a few up-and-comers, and a whole gaggle of extras.¬† Throw in a Wilhelm Scream for good measure (fair warning: TVTropes link!).¬† And yes, a black guy dies first.

Statham is no stranger to this sort of film.¬† One might even say he’s built his entire career on them.¬† But most of those are more the dark, gritty, pure action flicks.¬† Yet he’s proven he can handle himself with the lighter, more humorous side as well.

The monster, the Megalodon, is sufficiently large and in-charge.  It menaces and mangles effectively, and even outsmarts a hapless human or two.  The premise around where and how they find this beast is mildly interesting, despite the occasional disregard for high pressure physics.

bro-do-you-even-science
Because Bill Nye will have your arse…

Who Dat?!

One of our favorite things to do with movies is to call out where we know the actors from.¬† Here we have Dwight from The Office, and Travis from Fear TWD — we’re supposed to believe he’s Statham’s brother, which is a pretty hard sell, unless one is adopted.¬† Oh, and that short-haired techie chick with the annoyingly hipster name? That’s the lead singer of ‘Evermoist’ from Pitch Perfect 3!

pitch-perfect-3-evermoist-wave
Pitch Perfect 3 – the ladies’ main rivals

Where It Hits and Misses

We get some cinematic moments of shock and awe, a few tearful goodbyes of self-sacrifice, and a handful of suspenseful close-calls.  And obviously, some big meaty carnage.

Unfortunately, the dialog falls a little flat sometimes, and the humor isn’t always snappy. Now, you’re not watching this for deep character development.¬† The only thing deep here is the water.¬† But there could have been a bit more emphasis on some key elements that would make the characters more memorable or relate-able.

Comparisons Are Fair Game

It’s quite natural to compare this to Jaws, and the many myriad of mimics that it spawned.¬† Obviously, this film has no such aspirations, nor does it feel the need to shove this fact down the audience’s throat. Unlike, say, Sharknado, which tries way too hard to be “so bad it’s good” that it ends up looping back around to terrible again.

Furthermore, the actors understand this, which means that, while they do take their roles somewhat seriously, they allow themselves to have fun with it.¬† Nobody’s trying to impress the Academy here.¬† And frankly, nobody’s expecting you to watch more than once. Your enjoy it for what it is, and then you walk away.

someone once said in a meeting let's make a film with a tornado full of sharks
No, let’s make SEVERAL!¬† Best idea EVARRR!!!1

The Verdict: one solid thumb up

Lets be honest.¬† You’re going to watch this because you enjoy big sharks, Jason Statham, and/or ocean-themed action-adventures / creature-features.¬† And you won’t be disappointed.¬† It’s just good-old-fashioned shark-movie fun.¬† Enjoy your popcorn, then go about your business.

Have fun!

Movie Review Wednesday

the spy who dumped me

Nerd Alert!

You, dear reader, may have guessed this already, but just in case you haven’t:¬† We watch a lot of movies.¬† Like, a lot.¬† That new red MoviePass card came out just around the same time that our local cineplex remodeled itself into a “luxury theater” with the reserved reclining seats, dining service, and all that jazz.¬† But besides that, when the day’s work is done and it’s time to chill, Netflix/Prime/Kodi are our M.O.’s.

Side-note, I’m running Kodi on LibreElec on a Dell micro-PC that I procured for $99 a few Black Friday’s ago.¬† It’s puny by PC standards, but beefy by media-stick/RPi standards, so it works pretty well.¬† We’re finding that our WiFi isn’t always quite up to the task of steadily streaming 1080p, but… meh.¬† It’s generally usable.¬† It serves up movies from my 3TB spinning-rusts on the circa-2014 gaming PC via Plex, which is a phenomenal app for the modern moviephile — if you haven’t checked it out, do it.

Let’s Get To It!

Back on topic.¬† Off topic, I mean.¬† We recently saw The Spy Who Dumped Me.¬† I was excited for this movie as soon as I saw the poster: Mila Kunis and Kate McKinnon.¬† Need I say more?¬† Not really, but I will, because that’s presumably why you’re reading. ¬†I mean, I could watch these two actresses do just about anything for 2 hours.¬† Let alone a buddy-action-comedy about international intelligence intrigue gone awry.

I first loved McKinnon in the Ghostbusters reboot, where she, no disrespect to the rest of the phenomenal cast, stole the show.¬† That was a super fun movie too.¬† (I’m not an SNL guy, though her Hillary impersonation was superb.)¬† And Kunis, I’ve loved since she took over the voice of Meg in Family Guy.¬† It didn’t hurt when the wife said she had a girl crush on her too.

This is somewhat of a directorial debut from Susanna Fogel (she has some credits, but nothing blockbuster-worthy, as far as I can tell), and it hits a lot of good notes.¬† The acting is solid — especially, obviously, the two leads — the action believable, the punchlines not overly cheesy, the character development realistic, and the twists compelling, if a bit predictable.

The one notable gripe I have is the completely random and unnecessary bit of male nudity.¬† And it’s not that I’m a prude; nudity can have its place in movies, if it serves a purpose.¬† Look at Forgetting Sarah Marshall — very similar to this instance, technically, but its purpose was clearly to emphasize the point of the character’s vulnerability and shamelessness.¬† Contrasted to here, where it’s just some dude that Kate’s character hooked up with who turns out to be the first of dozens of agents to try to kill the duo in pursuit of the elusive “flash drive of doom” (which, surprisingly, is not yet a TvTropes trope, but I feel like it should be).¬† There was literally no point.

Anyway.

On the whole, the movie was excellent — a fun ride through Europe on the tails of two hapless yet confident, inexperienced yet tough, and sometimes supremely lucky ladies who go toe-to-toe with agents of CIA, MI6, and the big scary Russian Mafia.¬† We see these amazingly close best friends overcome frightening odds and tense situations by sticking together and encouraging each other, which is pretty awesome if you think about it.¬† There’s a lot of negativity thrown around these days, whether it’s in the name of politics, social movements, or otherwise.¬† Even your standard male buddy-cop movie usually hinges on the guys’ “banter” of tearing each other down (even in jest), and rarely does it truly bring out the best elements of their character.

Speaking of characters, the chemistry of these two women is top-notch.¬† They’re different, to be sure, but it works in their favor.¬† McKinnon is obviously more extroverted; “a little much” as someone tells her derogatorily, but that’s why we love her.¬† Kunis is of course more subtle; coy, yet never a damsel in distress.¬† One of the best bits of dialog in the movie, I think, comes from McKinnon’s positively bursting joy at seeing the head of MI6 is in fact a woman, who “hasn’t sacrificed one ounce¬†of femininity!” (Gillian Anderson, of course, being very familiar with the role of an intelligence officer).

Now, I will normally try to avoid spoilers.¬† Today I will simply tease that yes, while Kunis ends up falling for a guy, he’s proven worthy, and there’s no reason to fault her for it.¬† If anything, it keeps us grounded in reality.¬† Of course that reality quickly turns fantasy again in the “post ending”, but that’s for you to enjoy.

The Verdict

Highly recommended, two thumbs up.

Happy Hump Day!¬† Now go watch some movies.¬† Preferably this one.¬† But hey, I ain’t the boss of you.¬† Do your thing.¬† And stay tuned for more!